I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
