I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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