Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
