im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize