My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think i have two assholes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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