I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
