She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They took my balls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize