...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
