he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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