If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
40s are totally the cure
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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