Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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