your thong is hanging out like whoa
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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