I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
