Nicole vs. Life
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
