Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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