Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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