1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
