it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
