Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize