you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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