I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
