Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
