the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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