I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
