I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
