Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
