i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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