I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
