The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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