I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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