im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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