I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
