I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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