Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
