So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
