I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
