Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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