I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize