Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
