What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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