just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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