I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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