we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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