He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
