Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
