My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
