New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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