Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't deserve a penis
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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