i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
