I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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