I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
