At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
