i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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