just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
