My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
