Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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