So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
