yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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