Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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