Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
