ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
