If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
