so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
