According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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