just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize