He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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