I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
