i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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