Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
