I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My friends, they love my intelligence
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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