Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
