One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize