There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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