Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
