I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize