Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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