I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
