I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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