hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
