my vag is so smooth its legendary
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
