this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
