no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
