Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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