I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this beer tastes like vomit already
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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