does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
