i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
