i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
