Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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