She said her name was "party"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
