She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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