i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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