everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
