I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
