literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
