K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize