Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
