My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
