omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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