No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
