I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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